Struck in darkness!!

As I tried to open my tired eyes as slowly as possible in fear of facing the reality, it struck in my mind that I am already aware of it, the darkness all round and seeing with open eyes is as good as (or I would say as bad as )eyes tightly shut.

I am in middle of nowhere, the reason I say that is: even if I am at some end, I am completely unaware because of prevailing pitch black darkness, so assuming being in middle is the safest bet. I started with a definite purpose with target clearly in sight and with a spring in step but as I approached further ,an  ugly looking grey mist started engulfing me, trying to muddle with my mind making me lose my track.

 I was so sure that steps which I was taking were leading me towards the right destination. But found doubting myself when darkness of confusion overpowered me with pressure of performance tightening the noose around the neck and suffocating me leading to self confidence getting lost in the pearls of perspiration.My all efforts were going in vain , in the same way one keeps on paddling on stationary cycle,getting all exhausted and drained but reaching no where,not even an inch further.

Just when I was ready to accept my defeat that even embarking on this path was a wrong decision, a gleam of faint glow caught my eye coming from far away. Rubbing my eyes and collecting all that was left courage and hope, I tumbled down towards the source getting bruised here and there on the way; the desperation to reach and touch it was never this much. After sometime, my muddled mind realized that this ball keeps on moving away, irrespective of how fast I move towards it. And just when I thought I have touched it with tip of my finger, it got vanished in that ugly darkness leaving me all fatigued and hopeless. Mind just refused to acknowledge that it was a mirage which lured me to nothing.

 Here I am at a junction, clueless where to go, how to advance or even back track towards past, foolishly waiting for another ball of light to guide me towards my goal. The vines of frustration and desperation creeping in and crawling all over weaving a net of confusion prodding me to accept that this is not the right path for me. But I am here trying to crawl ahead though inch by inch in a snail pace, refusing to accept that what I believed is wrong. Maybe it will take time, timeline I am not sure of, but I will reach there, someday.